Thursday, January 23, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
#Riccing with The News-Herald
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Motormouths need to listen
There had to be a name for it. I knew it was far too common of a phenomenon not to have been marked as an issue and addressed.
Conversational narcissism is typified by an extreme self-focusing in a conversation, to the exclusion of appropriate concerns for the other, according to Communication Monographs, a quarterly peer-reviewed academic journal covering research on human communication.
What prompted me to write this column is my unabashed incredulity when confronting a person guilty of self-yakkity-yak ad nauseum.
I never fail to be stymied when finding myself relegated to the status of an info repository rather than a contributing entity within a conversation (i.e. exchange of ideas — emphasis on “exchange”).
When constantly “talked over” or tossed a quick, disinterested “uh-huh” after adding a verbal tidbit or two — only to be followed by more yada ... yada ... yada by the relentless rambler, I figure he or she just doesn’t get it.
Thus, my intense interest and cause for research on the subject. Basically, it bugs me and it’s just not polite.
What makes these yo-gabba-gabbers think their thoughts, opinions and life events entitle them to a talkathon rather than extending the courtesy of a two-way street?
For goodness sake, it’s quite likely the other person has something interesting to interject. Wouldya believe it?
Thankfully, the Internet poured forth reams of insight on the subject that points to the fact that this is, indeed, an occurrence many deal with. Perhaps shedding some light on the topic will stir up some self-realization among the convo-hoggers — or not. One can only hope.
It’s my bet that those afflicted with verbal diarrhea won’t even recognize their awful ailment. But then again, it may spark a bit of soul searching and hopefully persuade these too often open-mouthed offenders to shut up and listen once in awhile.
So what is it? What’s in the mix of creating such a trait?
In his book “Pursuit of Attention” sociology professor Charles Derber writes “During a conversation, each person makes initiatives. These initiatives can either be attention-giving or attention-getting. Conversational narcissists concentrate more on the latter because they are focused on gratifying their own needs …
“A good conversation is an interesting thing … It’s like a song where the rhythm is paramount, and each person in the group must contribute to keeping that rhythm going. One person who keeps on playing a sour note can throw the whole thing off.”
With that, I offer you some do’s and don’ts from “How to Deal With Someone Who Always Talks About Themselves” by eHow contributor Baptist Johnson:
DO understand the meaning of the term narcissist. Narcissistic does not necessarily mean selfish or arrogant. A narcissist simply views the world and others in relation to himself. Everything is measured by the standard “How does this affect me?” Because of this, narcissists spend a lot of time talking about themselves.
DO change the conversation to neutral topics. This can be difficult because a narcissist will always try to find a way to steer the conversation back to himself. Make it obvious that your interest lies in a generic topic, like the weather. A narcissist will likely discuss the weather, even if only to attempt to impress you.
DO introduce topics of interest in the form of open-ended questions. For instance, don’t ask did you see the game last night? Instead, ask something along the lines of “What do you think of basketball? I heard the game last night was amazing.” This method of questioning gives the narcissist the chance to talk about his views on basketball, while you get to insert your own comments as well.
DO avoid the narcissistic person if all else fails. Keep in mind that, more likely than not, you will not change the narcissist in your life. His perception of everything is personal because he can’t detach himself from his surroundings. He perceives a dissenting opinion as a personal attack. He may even view therapy or counseling as bullying and disapproval.
DON’T take offensive comments personally. More likely than not, the narcissist did not intent to insult you. Again, a narcissistic person is unable to put herself in others’ shoes. Her comments are meant to boost her own self-worth, not hurt feelings.
DON’T try to argue or reason with a narcissist. Explaining to a narcissist that she is a narcissist is a lost cause. To understand the basis of your argument, she must see herself from your point of view, which is an impossible task for a narcissist.
DON’T allow a narcissistic person to go on long rants about herself. She may interpret silence from you as genuine interest. In the mind of a narcissist, why wouldn’t you want to hear about her day at the mall?
Bonchak is a Staff Writer for The News-Herald.
Labels: Conversational Narcissism
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Painesville City Council Meeting - Oct. 21, 2013
Monday, October 14, 2013
Mentor construction projects wrapping up
• On Oct. 9, three vehicles had their windows broken in the parking lot of the Mentor Ice Arena; nothing was stolen. Two vehicles’ windows were broken at Melt Restaurant; purses were stolen from each vehicle. One vehicle’s window was broken at TGI Fridays; nothing was stolen.
• Another incident involving a male and female team approaching an elderly resident on Bellflower asking about completing tree trimming services. The female suspect tried to lure the resident to the backyard, but was unsuccessful. The male suspect remained in the vehicle. The suspects left after the victim told them her son was coming home soon. The suspect vehicle was a grey or cream colored SUV. This matches the suspect vehicle description from the previous burglaries involving a male and female team.
• SR 306 Resurfacing (SR 84 to Kirtland Road) — Currently the project is approximately 40 percent complete. Placement of the asphalt surface course could be performed this week and may require daytime lane closures. Work remaining includes casting adjustments, curb work, loop detectors, guardrail and the asphalt surface course. The project remains on schedule for the Oct. 31 completion date.
• SR 306 Concrete Repairs (Bellflower to Adkins) — Work continues in the southbound curb lane. Currently the concrete work is over 35 percent complete. Once the southbound curb lane work is complete, work will continue in the second southbound lane. No work is scheduled for the northbound lanes. Traffic restrictions for northbound and southbound vehicles will continue throughout the project.
• Hoose Road Resurfacing and Culvert Replacement — Work is scheduled to begin this week. The contractor will first grind the asphalt surface to the required depth and then will perform full depth repair work at locations to be determined. Culvert work will occur while the remainder of the roadway is being resurfaced. Traffic will be maintained; however, delays are expected. Further updates will be provided as the project progresses.
• Beechwood Drive Storm Sewer — The storm sewer on the east side of the road has been installed. The contractor is working on road crossings for inlet basins on the west side of the road.
• The Munson Road Resurfacing Project — This is proceeding as scheduled. The Shelly Company is currently working on adjusting castings to grade, updating curb ramps to ADA standards and installing traffic loop detectors. The asphalt surface course is scheduled to be installed on Monday, Oct. 21, and Tuesday, Oct. 22. The project has a completion date of Oct. 26.
• Sanitary Backup Reduction Grant Program Update: 114 applications have been received to date; 81 applications have been reviewed; 53 applications have been approved; 22 applications are on hold until sufficient information from applicants is provided and 24 applicants have completed the work and have been approved for reimbursement.
• On Oct. 9 at 8:20 a.m., Squad 1142 was called to mutual-aid to assist Willoughby Fire with a motor vehicle accident on State Route 2 westbound. Mentor Paramedics treated and transported a male patient from the accident.
• On Oct. 9 at 10:27 p.m., the fire department responded to a rescue call where a male fell down the basement steps of a residence. He was treated and airlifted to Metro General Hospital.
• On Oct. 10 at 2:37 p.m., Mentor Fire was called to a business on Center Street to perform an elevated rescue of a person stuck in the bucket of a service truck approximately 30 ft. in the air. The worker was servicing exterior lights when the hydraulic controls failed on the truck.
• Oct. 6-12 is Fire Prevention week with this year’s safety message of “Prevent Kitchen Fires.” The department participated in several public educational visits over the past week to promote fire safety. The visits included a safety day at Home Depot and Kmart, as well as, several visits to schools and daycares where safety flyers were distributed to children to take home to their families.
• The Civil Service Commission is accepting applications through 4 p.m., Thursday for Career Firefighter/Paramedic for the upcoming candidate testing scheduled for Oct. 23.
Economic and Community Development
• Tom Thielman and Terry Botirus conducted an SBA 504 Loan closing with Parker Precision, Inc. on a $1.2 million equipment loan.
• The City, in cooperation with Lake1Stop, the Mentor Area Chamber of Commerce and Laketran, sponsored a holiday job fair on Wednesday; 30 employers and approximately 170 job-seekers attended.
-- Betsy Scott, BScott@News-Herald.com, @ReporterBetsy
Monday, October 7, 2013
Mentor may feel shutdown fallout
• Final preparations are being made for the Lake Health Northern Ohio Marathon scheduled for Sunday, Oct. 13. A majority of the race will be run through Mentor and currently about 900 people are signed up. Due to the current federal government shutdown, a marathon scheduled for the same day along the Cleveland towpath may not take place. Because this is used by many in the area as a qualifier for the Boston Marathon, it is possible our event could see a huge influx of participants at the last minute.
• The recent Federal Government shutdown has resulted in all SBA loan programs being put on hold. Limited loan servicing actions are still being processed, but no new loan approvals or closings. In all other respects, no city services to this point have been impacted.
• Firefighters approached the administration for approval to wear pink T-shirts in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. After receiving approval, the firefighters’ union purchased T-shirts and members will be wearing them while on-duty during the month of October.
• On Sept. 28 at 9:27 a.m., the fire department was called to a car vs. utility pole and trees on Broadmoor Road. The driver refused treatment. The pole snapped nearly-in-half and fire crews remained on scene to secure the area until CEI crews were able to secure the power.
• On Sept. 28 at 3:25 p.m., the fire department was called to a car vs. motorcycle accident. One patient was extricated from underneath the car and the other motorcycle passenger was found injured sitting on the curb. Both were treated and transported to the hospital in stable condition.
• On Sept. 29 at 9:21 a.m., the fire department was called for smoke in a restaurant. Fire crews arrived to find a haze of smoke in the building due to a problem with a rooftop HVCA unit. The unit was shutdown and the building was ventilated. There were no injuries or loss of business. The unit was repaired.
• On Sept. 29 at 8:01 p.m., the fire department was called for a cooking fire at a house. Crews arrived to find the fire contained to the stove and there was no fire extension to the house.
• On Oct. 2 at 5:18 a.m., Mentor Fire Department responded to MABAS Box 2112 for an apartment in Painesville. The fire was quickly brought under control. There were no injuries.
• On Sept. 30, at 3:50 p.m., officers responded to a burglary report on Forest Lane. The 81-year-old resident was approached by a female claiming to be from a tree service. While she went outside with the resident, a male accomplice entered the home and stole numerous valuables. On Oct. 1, at 5:20 p.m., officers responded to a home on Broadmoor Road near Johnnycake Ridge Road for a burglary involving another elderly victim. The description of events, suspect vehicle, and suspects are similar to the burglary on Forest Lane. Both cases are under investigation by the Detective Bureau.
• On Sept. 30, at 9:45 p.m., officers responded to a reported robbery at Discount Tobacco, 7359 Lakeshore Blvd. A male made his way into the stock room as an employee was counting money just before store closing. He demanded the money she was counting, as well as money from the safe. No one was injured and the case is being investigated.
• The city of Mentor has, once again, worked with the Kalahari Resort for a special group getaway rate, which includes overnight accommodations and four admissions to America’s largest water park. The special City rate is 40 percent off the regular rate. For more information or to make reservations, call the Kalahari Resort at 877-525-2427 and request the “City of Mentor Group Rate.”
• Letters have been sent to service groups, organizations and church groups looking for volunteers for the “Teens In Action” program to help the elderly with fall clean-up. If you know of a group looking for service hours, please have them contact Recreation Superintendent Paul Hegreness at 440-974-5720.
• The Heisley Road Bridge over SR 2 has reopened to traffic ahead of the October 15th completion date. Remaining work under the bridge, restoration work and punch list items are scheduled to be completed by the completion date. Temporary lane closures may be necessary to complete this work; however, traffic will be maintained for the remainder of the project.
• The City has been advised that daytime construction operations will be necessary Tuesday and Wednesday for roadway reconstruction and adjustment of utility castings. During this period lane closures are expected between the hours of 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. Traffic will be maintained by the use of flaggers. It is recommended that traffic avoid the intersection of SR 306 and SR 84 whenever possible during this work.
• Shown below is a summary of Building Division activity comparing July 2013 with August 2013:
Prior Month Month of
July 2013 August 2013
New Permits Issued 393 459
Valued at $12,874,453 $15,421,148
Building Permit Inspections 733 910
New Plan Review Cases 73 82
Engr./Bldg. Permit Plan Reviews 297 330
New Contractor Registrations 66 68
• Income tax collections for the month of September were down $36,000 when compared to September of last year. The current total year collections through September as compared to last year are up 2.3%.
Public Works Department
• Chipped Phragmites for the Natural History Museum compost experiment
• Jail renovations - complete
• Repaired gutters at Senior Center
• Removed dead trees at Civic Center Park
• Crack sealing - Acacia
• Full depth asphalt repairs - Hopkins @ Hendricks
• Tree trimming on Corduroy for signage visibility
• Harrison/Collins drainage project - underway
• Storm sewer cleaning - Lakeview, Elm, Brookside, Beechwood
• Storm sewer televising - various streets in Ward 1
• Re-profiling roadside ditch on Hendricks near Heisley
-- Betsy Scott, BScott@News-Herald.com, @ReporterBetsy
Monday, September 23, 2013
Mentor PD gets grant to expand patrols
• The police department has been awarded a $50,819.04 High Visibility Enforcement Overtime Grant for 2014. Money from this grant allows for increased patrols during select state enforcement campaigns, such as “Click It or Ticket” and “Drive Sober or Get Pulled Over.” It also allows for increased patrols during certain holidays and at times identified by the department.
• Sanitary Sewer Backup Reduction Grant Program – As of Sept. 19, 101 applications have been received; 23 of these applications have been approved, and 9 residences have completed the work to date and are requesting reimbursement from the city.
• On Wednesday morning members of the police department participated in a round-up of people involved in a suspected heroin ring. Heroin dealers and users from Cuyahoga, Lake and Ashtabula counties were involved in the ring, which was investigated by members of the Cuyahoga County Drug Task Force. Arrest warrants were served on over 90 suspects, including several in Mentor and the Lake County area. All arrested suspects were transported to Cuyahoga County for processing.
• The police department investigated a complaint regarding a threatening statement directed toward students of Mentor High School, which was posted on Facebook. A 17-year-old male was identified as posting the statement and was arrested for inducing panic.
• On Sept. 16, the Fire Department responded to a structure fire on Arrowood Drive. The fire department arrived at 2:45 p.m. and the fire was under control at 2:53. The fire originated in the kitchen and a single occupant escaped through the upstairs window with no injuries. The fire department rescued two cats and a hamster, with a third cat escaping. Loss is estimated at $40,000.
• On Sept.17, the Fire Department responded to a motorcycle vs. car accident. The car pulled out in front of the motorcycle. The patient was treated for non-life threatening injuries and transported to Hillcrest Hospital to the Level II Trauma Center for additional treatment.
• Newell Creek Phase 9 is currently under review by the Engineering Dept. Newell Creek Phase 9 is a consolidation of the remaining phases 9, 10, & 11. The plans call for the development of 45 single-family sub lots on 11.70 acres. It is located west of Parker Place Retirement Residence and Mentor Senior Living Facility and east of Newell Creek Dr. Sub lots in Phase 9 will have lot dimensions of 60-feet wide by 130- to 140-feet deep. Upon Council approval for this phase of Newell Creek, a permit will be issued to the developer for construction. It is the developer’s intention to try to have this phase paved this year if possible.
• The Beechwood Drive Storm Sewer Improvement from Elm Street to Evergreen Drive began this week. The contractor anticipates the work will take approximately one month to complete. Scheduled completion date is Oct. 18.
• A preconstruction meeting was held Sept. 19 for the Munson Road Resurfacing Project. The project will provide pavement repairs and an asphalt overlay on Munson Road from Center Street to Andrews Road. The Shelly Company is the contractor on the project and they expect to begin construction on or about Wednesday. The completion date for the project is Oct. 26. During construction, the contractor will be responsible for maintaining two-way traffic with flagging operations. Access to all nearby properties and adjoining streets will be provided.
• Sidewalk Replacement and Pedestrian Safety Program – The Engineering Dept. is in the process of completing the notification to residents in Zone 3B of the 2013 Sidewalk Repair and Pedestrian Safety Program for deficiencies that need to be fixed. The Engineering Dept. will be re-inspecting Zone 3B towards the end of October and beginning of November to determine compliance.
• Brian Ashurst, Assistant City Engineer, attended the Board of Trustees meeting for the Chagrin River Watershed Partners on Sept. 17. Items discussed included storm water restoration projects throughout the Chagrin River watershed, including the proposed infiltration improvements at the Great Lakes Mall. They also indicated that member dues will increase by 1% starting in 2014. Mentor currently pays $4,369.86/year. This will increase to $4,414.00/year in 2014.
• The Black Brook Golf Course greens drainage project is moving along with 13 greens completed.
• The SRTS Coordinator is busy restructuring the walking program at Sterling Morton. Children will be doing bi-weekly walks. They will receive a token for their chains they receive on International Walk to School Day.
• This weekend is the Ohio Flames Girls “Ignite the Ice Hockey Tournament.” Thirty teams expected.
Economic and Community Development
• The 2013 edition of the Harris Ohio Industrial Directory reported that the City had added six manufacturing firms, but lost 90 manufacturing jobs in the approximately six- month interim between reports. The five-year data indicated a 12 percent increase in manufacturing employment, but a 3 percent decrease in the number of firms.
Public Works Department
• Inlet basin rebuilds - Cherrystone, Sandtree
• Sign upgrades ongoing - replaced 525 signs since 2012
• Repaired inlet basin and re-poured apron on Sweet Hollow
• Transferred cable and conduit from damaged pole on Mentor Ave.
• Storm sewer cleaning - Ohio St. and surrounding area
• Lowered inlet and graded swale on Fairlawn
• Planting areas disturbed from Cityfest electrical work
• Crack sealing - Hopkins from Rosewood to Lakeshore
• Upgrading entrance to the Lagoons at Headlands Road
-- Betsy Scott, BScott@News-Herald.com, @ReporterBetsy