Recently, the powers that be at the Journal Register Company, The N-H’s parent company, installed new spam filters on our email accounts. Funny enough, I’ve gotten way more spam than ever in my inbox since the filter was put in place. Most of the spam messages are news releases saying “hey, you should write about this really interesting product/book/website/TV show/topic!” I have been ignoring the majority of them, but some of them have some pretty interesting subject lines that make me chuckle. I thought I’d share a few of my favorites.

“Sammy Hagar on being abducted by aliens: ‘It was real. [Aliens] were plugged into me’ ” 

• Well, that’s an eye-catching subject line if I ever saw one. Fellow copy editor Robin Palmer said she actually heard that interview. She said she thinks Sammy’s OK. Whew. What a load off.

“Want to be a better manager at work? Get a dog!” 

• This one is regarding a book titled All I Know About Management I Learned from my Dog. Right. Because telling your staff to “sit” and rewarding them with cookies will totally work. Actually, on second thought… Yeah. That would totally work here.

“Author: ‘You can't fire everyone!’ ” 

• But you can make them lie down and roll over, if you read that other book!

“Win a Trip to New York, But First Tell Us What You Would Give Up To Find True Love?” 

• Is that a question? They’re not sure I can win a trip to New York?

“tip: Most Unique Dog Urine Spots in America? – Darren” 

• This one is apparently for a cleaning product. They were looking for photos of dog urine spots for an ad campaign.That's an interesting campaign you got yourself there, Darren.

“2 Advices to be a rich!” 

• This is the typical I’m-a-Nigerian-delegate-and-I-need-your-name-and-social-security-number-for-this-important-bank-transaction spam. But still... They’re offering not one, but TWO advices. How can I pass that one up?

“Hi editor! Mann! Don’t you know where to find a wife?” 

• No. No I don’t. Probably because I’m a heterosexual female.

“Do the Dead Stay Dead?” 

• Good question. I sure hope so. I’ve been operating under that assumption for years. (This was actually PR for a novel about death and dying, which could be interesting if you weren’t spamming me)

So there you have some of my favorite junk emails that are arriving unfiltered into my inbox. If anybody is interested in reviewing a "Psychological Suspense Novel from Academy Award Winner and screenwriter of 9 and ½ Weeks" or wants "Flooring tips for Pet Loving Homes," I'm sure I can get you the hook-up.

--Danielle Capriato
DCapriato@News-Herald.com